7snogs

You do realize that you are fucking with a marriage here. And that this particular marriage encompasses eleven years of two people’s lives and six months of uncomfortable compromise and a few thousand dollars worth of therapy. And that doing this once had been wrong, so doing it a second, and a third, and a fourth time was probably scandalous, deplorable, and unconscionable. But, seriously, this was worth it.

That hand tracing a cautious line along your jaw line before cupping your chin and forcing you to look into those eyes; they’re so blue, and focused on you so hard that it actually makes you hurt somewhere just below your ribs. The feeling of those lips on yours and those thumbs hooking into your scrubs. That breath moving across your neck and making you shudder, and your fingers tangled in that amazingly red hair. It was so worth it.

Because somewhere along the way you had stopped being jealous of her, and started to be jealous of him for having her. You hadn't noticed the change at first and you still aren't sure just when it changed. Because you still get that same feeling, like all of your stomach muscles are cramping simultaneously, whenever you see them walking down a hall together, or watch- miserable yet transfixed- as he places a hand on her shoulder or a kiss on her cheek. That part hadn't changed.

And you really aren’t sure how it had happened. Maybe it was just that you had spent so long thinking about her over the last few months. You had been looking for faults and flaws, reasons to hate her and to not feel guilty about it. And you had found a few, but they definitely weren’t all you had found.

Sometimes you feel like it all starts to make a little sense if you think about it long enough. Maybe it was that you can sympathize with her, or that you respect her for trying to fix what she had done wrong, or that you admire her for everything she had accomplished. Or it could be that Derek and Alex had been right; you are a whore and she is McHot. Maybe it's that simple. (You usually throw that theory out immediately, because, seriously, since when has anything in your life been simple?)

But it seems like every time you try to think anything through you just wind up in more trouble. So instead of thinking about why, you focus on how. How the curve of her hip feels under your fingers, how perfectly you bodies fit together as you press her against the wall, how she gasps a little as your thumb grazes her clit, and how easy the impossible actually is.