Still I wear the red dress

I'm about to projectile express myself all over your hush puppies.

2009-11-12T22:05:08Z

I just read the New York Times Magazine article on Meagan Fox. She hadn't really been on my radar at all until lately because I was overwhelmed by the sluttiness of her photoshoots. Some candids and interviews convinced me that she was a ridiculously hot dork but THIS, The Self Manufacture of Megan Fox, has me seriously intrigued and more than a bit impressed. Her attitude toward her fame and the way she sees it is really interesting. And in the screen test that goes along with it she says that she used to swim and still has a bad ass butterfly (greatest stroke ever, obviously). I'm a convert.

GLEE. THIS SHOW.

Brittany is my darling.

She finds recipes confusing (I actually ENJOY the bad acting because somehow it fits with the while CONCEPT of Brittany). Santana's look of mixed embarrassment and 'oh, sweetie' after Brittany said that was hilarious. And she is friends with Becky and I vote that it is not because she cheats off her math tests at all but because she is a totally sweet and sincere person. AND SHE LOST HER WHEEL CHAIR. And says it like no one should be surprised.

Quinn and Puck... I really like them both separately and they are cute when they interact but I'm still really not sold on the relationship. But since Finn/Quinn is the cannon competition... I guess I would vote for Quinn and Puck. At least Puck is funny.

Kurt. KURT. He and his dad made me have so many feelings.

Sue. If I had known ahead of time that they were going to try making her more human and the audience more sympathetic I would have been horrified and assumed it would go terribly, but it worked. They didn't push it TOO hard and I give some serious props to Jane Lynch for being awesome in all directions.

I enjoyed the reprieve from Will/Emma this episode... was she off in Hawaii getting married or something? I didn't realize until the end that she wasn't there... sort of like how it works with Nate and Jenny on Gossip Girl.

I also downloaded the most complete version I could find of the Glee soundtrack this morning. The play count for I Wanna Sex You Up is embarrassingly high. It isn't the highest for the album by far... but it's still the most ridiculous.

also angels.

2009-10-23T22:05:52Z

GLEE. I love this show so much. It's my absolute favorite show right now, without a doubt. I've also been realizing, what with yuletide nominations and porn battles and all, that I could ship just about anything on this show for the purposes of fic. I like all the characters and things are very open ended in the relationship department so pretty much anything goes. Which reminds me a lot of season two of Grey's in a good way. And it reminds me of Popular a whole hell of a lot, just less cynical.

It's also hitting one of my big soft spots by having a totally minor character that I ADORE BEYOND REASON. Her name is Brittany and she really loves to dance. A lot. And sometimes she just doesn't understand Spanish. Or anything. And SOMETIMES she is not allowed in on the Cheerios' evil plans because she probs would not get those either. And she and Kurt are kind of bffs... and like to DANCE together.

"I'll be in this bitch 'til the club close"... now try crooning it.

2009-10-12T20:40:51Z

OK, GUYS, I HAVE TO KNOW.

IS THIS SLOWED DOWN, ACOUSTIC-Y COVER OF AYO TECHNOLOGY AS BIG A DEAL IN OTHER PLACES AS IT IS IN FINLAND?

Because it is on the Helsinki pop station that gets played in lab at least twice an hour every hour.

AND, to further satisfy my curiosity...

View Poll: #1470051

he bites all my moves

2009-10-05T21:33:04Z

They are adorable. And yea... I could potentially ship it. The way Dianna watches Lea talk? I mean, really. It's like they are learning the art of subtlety from Blake and Leighton.

RPF, why are you eating my brain?

and to have a very super party special website

2009-09-22T19:45:28Z

Guys, Katewalsh.com.

It is so obvious that some publicist made her do it and of course in my mind this plays out as some guy in a suit telling her all about how the Disney poptarts are on Twitter etc. It's also clear that she is sort of like 'computers... internet... LOLWUT' but it is nice to know that she is still her adorably crazy, completely out-there self. Watch the video, still a spaz.

Also, she uses intranet instead of internet. The fact that she doesn't know that those are two different things and probably used that term just to be a wierdo is completely endearing.

Fic: Like the Surprise You Saw Coming (The Devil Wears Prada, Andy/Lily)

2009-08-22T02:48:24Z

Title: Like The Surprise You Saw Coming
Author: maddie508
Recipient: queenzulu via femslash09
Fandom: The Devil Wears Prada
Pairing: Lily/Andy
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 1174
Note: Ha, remember that time I completely forgot to crosspost because I was pretty sure no one on my flist is in this fandom? I do.

(Link.)

Humiliate and destroy you. AND betray you. All at the same time, all of them.

2009-08-20T03:07:26Z

LOLOLOL Leighton's little voices.

Blake is on crack... crack made out of distilled sunshine and sugar. "Raaah... I'm a pterodactyl."

Needs moar Blake. And less football and old people. Except the foul mouthed old lady who played Serena's grandma, she can hang around all she likes.

Blueberry Walnut Crumble

2009-08-17T15:49:29Z

Improvised recipe in which I used most of the berries I picked on the Cape.

Fruit
3 cups blueberries
1 cup granulated sugar
1 tbsp cornstarch
1 pinch cinnamon
juice of 1/2 lemon

Topping
1 1/4 cups brown sugar
3/4 cup flour
1/4 tsp salt
2 pinches cinnamon
3/4 cup unsalted butter, chilled and cut into pieces
2 cups rolled oats
1 cup walnuts

Heat oven to 350F.

Grease a 9 in round pan and pour in blueberries. Sprinkle on sugar, lemon juice and cinnamon. Stir a few times (without scraping off the butter) until mixed.

In a bowl combine brown sugar, flour, salt and cinnamon. Using your fingers, incorporate the butter until coarse crumbs form. Mix in the oats and the walnuts by hand.

Sprinkle over blueberries and bake for roughly 40-45min (I did this with an entirely wonky stove, so I can't be positive about the bake time... I'd recommend keeping an eye on it after the first 30 min).

Really great with either vanilla or coconut ice cream.

I really do watch too much tv (who's with me?)

2009-08-16T02:09:39Z

Ok guys, my tv watching has changed a whole lot over the last year or so and I've sort of lost track of which of you watch which shows. SO below is a handy dandy poll of my shows and if you could make little ticky marks next to the ones you watch too that would be SPIFFY.

View Poll: #1444418

First list are shows I've seen just about every episode of, the second list are shows I've seen some of.

Good girls go bad

2009-08-07T14:37:12Z

I just need to point out that in video for Good Girls Go Bad Leighton puts something into her ~~lesbian~~ undercover crime fighting partner's cleavage region and looked completely natural (dare I say 'practised'?) while doing so.

View Poll: #1440966

And, of course, congratulations to Leighton Meester for continuing to be mind bendingly hot.

Fic: Sort of Virgins (Grey's Anatomy, Callie/Hahn)

2009-07-22T01:21:54Z

Title: Sort of Virgins
Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Pairing: Callie/Hahn
Rating: PG
Wordcount: 290
Written for fr3akofnature who prompted me... ages ago

Sort of virgins.

It’d been funny when they first said it, but as it echoed in Callie’s head throughout the long silent walk to the parking lot it started bringing up all kinds of awful memories.

They get to Callie’s car and she advantage of the split second it takes Erica to turn around to check her reflection in the front window. She’s got to admit that some things are much better this time around. She doesn’t have braces or acne or an outfit that she will later reflect on with a grimace and that’s just enough to unfreeze her jaw muscles so she can smile as her eyes move over Erica’s face.

“You know, this whole being scared thing isn’t as bad as I remembered.”

For some reason the stunned look on Erica’s face makes it suddenly easy to take that half step forward, to move one hand up her neck, along the curve of her jaw and into her hair before pulling her into a kiss that lasts longer than she expected and hung perfectly between tentative and pressing.

As they pull apart Callie sees Erica’s eyes flick straight to the ground and for a moment it feels like her lungs have stopped working. Then Erica looks up, tucks a lock of hair behind her ear and says in that gravelly voice that she’s starting to realize makes something hitch just behind her belly button, “You weren’t this smooth when you were actually a virgin, were you?”

One corner of her mouth is quirk upwards in a half smirk but those blue eyes really are wider than usual. Callie just smiles and slides into her car. Being a virgin is definitely better the second time around.

Dear femslash09 writer...

2009-06-10T17:48:32Z

Dear femslash09 writer,

HI, YOU ARE AWESOME. I’m totally excited that you are writing me a story for me and I'm sure it will be awesome, so thanks in advance.

If you want to just have at it with the info you were given, all the more power to you. When it comes to femslash about my favorite characters, I’m pretty easy (like tramp level easy). But if you want to know a little about my fic preferences,

General stuff…
Characters being in character is probably the number one thing that makes me love a fic.
Smut is awesome but totally not a requirement.
Build up is glorious.
I don’t mind cheating. I don’t mind it at all, actually. Given the rapid turn over of relationships in some of the fandoms I’ve listed, it can actually be difficult to avoid.
I like fluff as long as it doesn’t take over the whole story. Cuteness, giggling and kissing are wonderful.
Angst is cool, but preferably not the drawn out pining kind.
Happy endings make me, you know, happy, but other endings or ambiguous endings can be fun too.
Some of the relationships between characters I’ve listed together as a ship are a little weird/fucked up/have an edge (Meredith/Addison, Georgina/anyone, Brooke/Nicole, Nancy/Celia). That doesn’t have to be a main focus but please don’t completely ignore it, it’s one of the reasons I love them.
If you are heading in the smut direction… rough sex is hot, sex in inappropriate locales is fun and hatesex is good, but please no blood, serious pain, bondage or excrement kink
My general preference is for getting together fics and my favorite established relationships fics deal with relationships that aren’t really Relationships (Mer/Cristina, Serena/Blair, Brooke/Nicole). Blake/Leighton are the exception to that rule, just please no white picket fence syndrome.
I’m a fan of one-night stands, multiple night stands that still aren’t a ‘relationship’, alcohol as matchmaker, hatesex, lovesex, friendsex and in some cases (Georgina/anyone, Nancy/Celia) manipulativesex.
I’m not a fan of character death, marriages, sweeping declarations of love, pregnancies, babies, non-con.
In some fandoms I have a long list of ships. That’s ~~because I am a total ship whore~~ just to give you options. I’m generally a one ship per fic kind of girl but in-context mentions of another relevant ship are totally cool.

Gossip Girl: Blair/Vanessa, Blair/Serena, Blair/Georgina, Vanessa/Georgina
The appeal of Blair/Serena is probably pretty obvious and I don’t want to make this too long so, moving on… Georgina. I love her in all her bitchy, vindictive, manipulative glory. Blair/Vanessa is one of my favorites because they are so damn dedicated to pushing each other’s buttons. The fact that they have both been *involved* with the same two people also makes things interesting in a girl-posturing kind of way. Vanessa and Georgina… so many untapped possibilities; I’m intrigued, go nuts.

Grey's Anatomy: Addison/Izzie, Addison/Meredith, Meredith/Izzie, Meredith/Cristina, Callie/Addison, Izzie/Lexie
First of all, I am entirely flexible on the timelines here. Season two and early season three were by far my favorites and thus is totally fair game. That said, I don’t really want an epic ‘X never happened and this is how every plotline would have played out differently’. I like Addison/Meredith because of the obvious tension and because it is one of those it’s so wrong it’s right ships. I think that’s my only major ship specification. My other big request is that I’d really rather not have sick!Izzie or hallucinating!Izzie because that would make me sad. Manic-baking!Izzie (post Denny’s death) is fair game. This is also a fandom where I kind of love a little awkwardness, because it fits with the tone of the show and, well… life is just awkward sometimes.

Gossip Girl RPF: Blake Lively/Leighton Meester
They are adorable, hot, handsy, and obviously dating. They also seem to have a really hard time keeping that from being obvious in interviews and photoshoots. Anything that captures that would be awesome. I know that cracked out AUs are big in this fandom and while that wasn’t at the top of my list when made the request, if you have one in mind that you love and would have a blast writing- go for it.

Weeds: Nancy/Celia
This is a ship I have been on board with season the first season and I’ve loved and shipped them at all the stages of their relationship so, again, I’m really flexible with the timeline. If you want to write about how they actually did hookup after Celia basically propositioned Nancy in S1? I’d love it. If you want to get Celia out of Mexico and do something with that? Equally awesome.

Bring It On: Missy/Torrance, Missy/Whitney, Darcy/Missy, Darcy/Whitney
I really, really love this movie so really anything you write that fits the tone and characterizations is guaranteed to be a winner. My one specific request is that, if you write Darcy, please please include her SAT word tick. I flove it. And again, flexible timeline. During the movie, before the movie, after the movie, when they’re in college or some mix of those- they are all awesome.

Popular: Brooke/Nicole
Ok, so I know that Brooke/Sam is the massive OTP in this fandom and that is probably what you were thinking of writing when you signed up for this. So, sorry. I do see and love the Brooke/Sam goodness, but the Brooke/Nicole seemed super strong to me (especially the way Nicole resented Sam) and there isn’t much fic for it.

Hopefully that didn’t just confuse you more and, really, the bottom line is that you are writing fic about one of my favorite ships just for me, which means that it could probably be about two characters sitting around eating soup and I’d love it.

Have fun and THANK YOU

Addie

maddie508 @ 2009-04-08T00:59:00

2009-04-08T05:03:18Z

Small flist cut. I'd never done one before so it was mostly journals I'm pretty sure are dead. If you can see this you're still on. If I've made a terrible mistake just comment letting me know and I'll add you back. Comments screened.

i should not be allowed to have the internet

2009-03-28T23:40:40Z

Kate Walsh and her brother. I feel like this explains a lot. And I love that the two of them are standing up and cheering like idiots while everyone else appears to be golf clapping. ♥

This is still funny. This will always be funny. Just look at how pleased he is with this.

Ian McKellen getting really excited about, like, the first documented playhouse in England. Or something. Goofy old British men in suits are cute, ok?

I Love You, Man. Go see it.

Courtney Love much? This is not a look that should be intentionally recreated except as a joke.

No comment.

Bb is a cutie.

;alskdjfh. NEIL.

Remember that one time during winter break when I watched Desperate Housewives? Maybe I should get on that again over the summer. Also, dawwww, I love Felicity Huffman and her handsy self.

Emma Thomspon = favorite.

maddie508 @ 2009-03-16T00:04:00

2009-03-16T04:10:31Z

Also, drabbles for the Quick Fire challenge at lostsquee . Yay, first LOST fic ever. And y'all should go play.

Prompt: Starve
Focus: Claire
She’s breathing. That’s all she’s sure of. She’s breathing and flashing, outside of time somehow.

Prompt: Complicate
Focus: Juliet, Daniel, the entire quadrangle mess
‘Models. Variables… for the island. A few and you get a network. Dynamic but… systematic, workable.’

Prompt: Sleep
Focus: Sawyer/Juliet, Goodwin
‘It’s a surprise,’ he’d said.

Prompt: Passport
Focus: Alex
Game forgotten, she opens a drawer and pulls out a stack of little books.

Fic: This Is What the World Is For (Grey's Anatomy, Addison/Erica)

2009-02-11T11:40:57Z

Title: This Is What the World Is For
Fandom: Grey's Anatomy
Pairing: Addison/Erica, mentions of previous Addison/Mark, Addison/Derek, Callie/Erica
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: 1,800ish
Written for ahkna for Grey's Secret Santa 08

When she’d complained for what, she admits, was probably the twentieth time about not having seen snow on Christmas for two years and Savvy had suggested she spend the holidays in New York with her and Weiss, Addison had booked a plane ticket immediately. Savvy had been vague enough on the invite that Addison had felt ok staying with them. She figured the ambiguity had been intentional because it was the holidays and the brownstone still hadn’t been opened by anyone but the cleaning lady and Savvy just knew her like that.

It wasn’t until the middle of the stretch between Christmas and New Year’s that she began to think staying there may not have been the best decision. It wasn’t the fights that bothered her. These were the explosive kind of fights that ramp up so quickly that an outsider can hardly follow either party’s line of reasoning. The kind that either fizzle out just as fast or keep accelerating until it is clothing rather than words getting thrown around.

It really wasn’t the fighting that led Addison to sneak out of their apartment at eleven that night. It wasn’t the hushed accusations or the fact that this fight sounded like it was going to be resolved in the second way. It wasn’t even that the combination of the location and the fights brought back bad memories. Not really. It was more that the memories were so distant now it seemed like they had never been real.

She walked for fifteen blocks with the collar of her coat turned up against the wind, trying to convince herself that this was a good thing before she found a bar that looked promising.

It was crowded and noisy enough that people weren’t paying any attention to who is coming or going, something Addison found surprisingly comforting as she walked in and looked over the place. It was exactly the kind of bar she used to listen to Derek complain about Mark dragging him to during their residency. It also wasn’t one of the ones she had started frequenting with Mark after Derek left. And that was good enough.

She made her way through the busy room toward the bar, there were only a few seats open and none of them were together. Resigned to rubbing elbows for at least part of the night, Addison sat down at a corner stool, ordered and began the ever-therapeutic activity of starring blankly at the mirror behind a bar.

“Addison?”

The voice was gravelly and vaguely familiar. Addison turned to face the blonde sitting on the stool beside her.

“Erica? Hi- I…” Her eyebrows shot together “What are you, I mean- you’re here.”

Those last two words were accompanied by a slightly spastic arm gesture that Erica thinks may have been intended to encompass the bar or New York or had maybe just been meant as some kind of greeting.

“I’m here.” She raised an eyebrow and let slip a half grin before taking another sip of the pinot noir in front of her.

“So, New York?”

“I left Seattle Grace and Presbyterian made a decent offer,” Erica shot her a sidelong glance, saw the questions written all over her face and quickly continued dryly, “I did think about pulling an Addison, you know.”

Addison’s eyebrows knit together again as she set her glass down, previous questions momentarily forgotten.

“A what?”

“An Addison. You know… move to LA, live on a beach, start believing in alternative medicine, and generally shock the hell out of everyone.”

Addison practically snorted into her vodka and tonic before looking up to see the quizzical expression on Erica’s face.

“You just don’t exactly seem like the, ah… zen, beachy type,” Her laughter lasted barely another moment before she noticed how tightly pursed Erica’s lips had become and quickly muffled the sound in another sip of her drink.

“No. I guess I’m not, am I?” This time she gave Addison entire smile, tight lipped though it may have been, before draining her glass.

Addison found herself watching Erica closely as she orders another drink, thinking that she had definitely missed something last time. Or maybe it hadn’t been there to be missed before. She’s still tightly wound, just differently so.

A few rounds later they had worked their way through all the easy small talk. Where they had done their residencies, where they had grown up, numbers of siblings, childhood pets, where they had gone for undergad and medical school, what Erica thought of New York, how things were going in LA, who was working at Presbyterian and how different working in a private practice was. And, of course, it was all the cheerful, polite, happy version of things.

But happy people don’t lean over their drinks the way Erica had been when Addison had come in. During the next lull in the conversation all Addison can do is fiddle with the stem of her martini glass because she thinks maybe they know each other just well enough that she should ask the obvious questions, but she’s not really sure how to do it.

After one more round of drinks some light gossip about a Seattle Grace nurse slips into their conversation. After two more the person who had been slated to become head of cardiothoracics before Erica was brought in had gone from being ‘a great asset’ to ‘a smug moron’ and Addison thought she might be getting closer to a point where just asking would be ok.

But before she gets around to it, or to even really figuring out how to ask, last call goes out and the two of them head outside to hail a cab.

Afraid she's about to miss her chance (because for some reason this now seems important), she asks both questions bluntly, at the same time, and in the middle of Erica’s story about sunrise yoga. As she watches Erica’s expression fly from amused, through shocked and confused, to furious she reflects that strategic drunkenness may not have been the best choice on her part.

“Denny fucking Duquette is why I left. I know you were there when it happened so I don’t really think I need to explain that one. And Callie,” she paused for a moment, it was the first time she’d said her name since that night in the parking lot, “wasn't... what I thought.”

She crossed her arms over her chest and began pacing in either direction along the sidewalk, looking desperately for an exit in the form of a cab.

Unfortunately for Erica there were none in sight.

“So,” she rounds on Addison, “while we are being so truthful, why exactly did you leave Seattle?”

She’s only inches from Addison’s face and is some mix of irate and panicked that makes Addison think carefully before answering.

“There wasn’t anything left there for me,” her voice was low but steady, honest, and she looked miserable. “At least, nothing I wanted.”

And it’s exactly what Erica wishes she could say.

Breathing suddenly feels hard and she watches, frozen, as Addison’s face gets closer and closer. It isn’t until the split second before their lips touch that Erica realizes she's close to being off balance and it had been her leaning in. But in the next instant that doesn’t matter because that is Addison kissing her back, Addison reaching up to cup Erica’s face with her hands as they pull apart and Addison leaning in for a second kiss.

The cab ride was quiet, easy. The alcohol made the next steps simpler too, their clothing practically fell off. And now, it seems almost sudden, Addison is lying, completely naked, on Erica’s bed and she can’t help but compare. It’s like the second operation she preformed- all the absolutes are the same, but all the relatives are different. Same themes, different details. And somehow it’s oddly comforting. She quickly finds that some of the things that made Callie practically purr elicit only a minimal reaction from Addison. When Erica traces a finger along the inner curve of her hip, a spot that with Callie had only been a point along the way to someplace else more exciting, she finds that Addison gasps and squirms. Erica continues, moving over her entire body and can’t help but smile a little as she hits each sensitive spot, whether it be familiar or new.

Addison tilts her head back and drags her lower lip between her teeth as Erica kisses up the inside of her thigh then continues on after only the slightest hesitation. She’s missed this. As modern and progressive as LA supposedly is, this was still not at the top of her men’s list of favorite things to do in bed. And if she’s going to be really specific about what this is, she hasn’t had it since her time as an undergrad. Mark though, she thinks as Erica slips two fingers into her, when they’d been together in New York he’d always been willing. Mark... he really should be the last thing on her mind right now, because Erica’s fingers are so close to hitting that spot just right and she still has her tongue working so perfectly that the only response Addison can manage is to tangle her fingers in Erica’s hair and arch her back, looking for just that much more pressure.

When Addison does come the chills that run up and down her spine are like ice. That thing Erica had just done, that swirling thing with the tongue followed immediately by curling fingers, a light bite and a hiss of breath from between her teeth… that was one hundred percent Mark Sloan. Once her body relaxes and her mind clears she begins to connect the dots. Erica must have learned it from Callie who learned it from Mark.

It was impossible. Leaving was impossible. Derek had told her to go. She should have just done it when she had the chance, because now she doesn’t even seem to have a choice. New York followed her to Seattle, which found her again here.

She isn’t sure whether she wants to laugh or scream or cry. But Erica had moved up her body in the after shocks and was starting to look at her like she suspects something was wrong, so she settles for kissing her long and slow before shifting on top of her.

Erica comes down slowly, savoring the sense that she can actually feel the blood rushing through her every vein and capillary, the feeling that she needs every breath she takes. But then she notices that Addison’s breathing had already quieted back to a normal rhythm and she tries silently to even out her breathing until she feels her heartbeat slow and the tingling sensation retreat from her limbs.

Several minutes pass in silence before Addison props herself up on her elbows and turns almost apprehensively to look that the person beside her.

“You didn’t seem that surprised to see me.” It’s only half a question but the silence was making each moment seem longer and throwing everything that was wrong about this into sharper, more sober relief, so Erica answers anyway.

“I heard the name of the bar from Sloan, actually,” she says with what she hopes looks more like a wry smile than the look of panic she can feel her facial muscles fighting to set into.

And all Addison can do is close her eyes and breathe.

</lj>

Fic: 30 Rock, Kenneth Doesn't Believe in the Subconscious Either (Kenneth/Devon)

2009-01-01T18:04:57Z

Title: Kenneth Doesn't Believe in the Subconscious Either
Fandom: 30 Rock
Pairing: Kenneth/Devon
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 1,500ish
Challenge: yuletide 2008

"Yes, welcome everyone!"

Kenneth looked around. He was standing in slightly crowded room, surrounded by rather inappropriately clad young ladies who all looked just like Cerie. They were all smiling and giggling and trying to offer him drinks. He grinned nervously at them and craned his neck forward in an attempt to see the announcer... boy, did that voice sound familiar.

"This week we have a very special group of people with us. First, we have three members of cast of one of NBC's most beloved comedies from the 80s and early 90s- Night Court. Will everyone please welcome Harry Anderson, Markie Post and Charlie Robinson!"

Kenneth sprayed some of the drink one of the girls had just pressed into his hand, partly because he has been expected sparkly grape juice but mostly because he just couldn't believe his ears- the cast of Night Court! He had to find them and say hello, maybe they'd remember him!

He tried pressing through the gaggle of girls who were still smiling at him in a way that made him nervous and excited at the same time, but all he managed to see was a door snapping closed on the other side of the room. Maybe the announcer was in the other room?

"Now," the invisible announcer's voice was back "our next guest is the Vice President of West Coast News, Web Content, and Theme Park Talent Relations for NBC, as well as the producer of the ten-second web sitcom, "Makin' It Happen"... Devon Banks!"

Kenneth felt a hand move across his back and turned to see Mr. Banks wink at him before leaving through that one door on the other side of the room. Oh, this was getting stranger and stranger.

"And, last but not least... Kenneth Parcell, the NBC page. You may not have heard of him yet, but he's destined to be remembered along with other tv greats on our show this week- the pilot for his new show Ice Cream Cohen was just picked up and it is expected to be huge hit. Please welcome Kenneth Parcell!"

"Wh-what? But I..." Kenneth stammered as one of the girls brought him over to the door. He opened it, stepped through and was nearly blinded by the lights. He could hear loud applause and when his vision cleared he saw that he was standing by a poker table surrounded by a large audience.

Kenneth gawped for a moment before yet another scantily clad girl (they were everywhere) showed him to a seat between Markie Post and Harry Anderson. Robert Thompson then stepped up to the table and briefly explained the rules of Texas Hold 'Em.

'Of course,' Kenneth thought to himself, 'that announcer was Kevin Pollack... and this is Celebrity Poker Showdown.' Markie gave him the thumbs up as the game began and not even Devon wiggling his eyebrows from across the table could stop Kenneth from smiling.

A few minutes into the game Devon lost his first showdown to Kenneth. As the dealer was shuffling, Devon made a rather big deal of removing jacket, then twirled it around his head and tossed it in Kenneth's direction.

"Um, not to be rude, Mr. Banks, sir... but this show doesn't do strip poker."

"I know," Devon said, making his voice even deeper than usual, "I just wanted to make it more..." he raised an eyebrow and smirked, "interesting. Unless of course the official doesn't approve."

They both looked toward Mr. Thompson.

He shrugged his shoulders, "If Mr. Banks wants to do this, we aren't going to stop him."

"But you can't just have people stripping on television," cried Kenneth, indignant.

"Kenneth, may I remind you that you're on Bravo- this is cable, not network. We're a little... freer with our standards here."

Kenneth frowned as he turned back to the table. Devon was smiling more broadly than ever.

Two hands later, Charlie was out and Kenneth was watching with trepidation as Devon moved to sit on the table. He slowly undid his shirt one button at a time, dancing a bit to the theme music as he went. He bit his lip as he shrugged the shirt dramatically off. The whole time he kept his eyes locked on Kenneth.

An hour later the seats that had been filled by Harry and Markie were empty, and Devon was reclining in his chair with one leg angled up toward the ceiling as he slowly pulled off his remaining sock.

After the turn of the next hand Kenneth looked down at the cards in his hand. An ace and a king. And on the board- an eight of hearts, another ace, and a pair of twos. He had a decent shot of winning this showdown but he wasn't completely sure he wanted to because the only piece of clothing left on Mr. Banks was a pair of very short, silky lilac boxers

The river came and went and suddenly there were bits of confetti flying in the air and Kevin Pollack was by his side.

"Kenneth Parcell, NBC page, you've just won the tournament- you are our new Celebrity Poker champion! Is there anything you'd like to say to the people watching at home?"

Kenneth saw the camera pointed straight at him and quickly got over his shock. "Well, I want to say hi to my family, especially to my mom and my grandmother, and Bobby Jo, Otis, Clem, Jethro and Sally Mae, Abner and Cletus, Billy Jo, Billy Bob, Jed, Jeb..."

Kevin cut him off by putting an arm around his shoulder, "Let's just keep it to immediate family- ok, son?"

Kenneth smiled and shook his head, "But, sir, those were just some of my siblings, though none of them have cable so they'll probably never see this... Oh, I'd also like to say hi to everyone on the sixth floor, where I work, and to Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy. And I'd like to publicly thank the cast of Night Court for making one of my dreams come true in return for a generous amount of money, and..."

"And would you like to tell everyone which charity will receive the twenty-five thousand dollars you just won?"

"That would be NBC, sir!"

"Now, that isn't exactly a charity, Kenneth. Why do you want us to give NBC the money?"

"Oh, well, sir... they just give so much to the people, and to me in particular, that I just want to give back."

"Alright then, excellent! The money will go to NBC. Now, it would appear that Devon has a special congratulatory gift to give you."

Kenneth turned around and saw Mr. Banks striding toward him, still wearing those lilac silk boxers, thank goodness. Before Kenneth knew what was going on, Devon had wrapped one arm tightly around his waist and pulled Kenneth into a firm, swift kiss. Kenneth was completely paralyzed by shock and couldn't do anything as Mr. Banks slipped his tongue between his lips and placed one hand on his knee before slowly sliding it up and much too far to the inside of his leg. It finally settled on his belt buckle, tugging and fiddling as the applause from the audience went on and on.

The mattress springs squeaked loudly as Kenneth sat up in bed with a gasp. He looked around quickly, caught sight of the colonel sleeping on the couch in the living room and was reassured that he was back to reality. He lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. 'What an strange dream', he thought to himself.

Kenneth had been having some pretty odd dreams ever since Mr. Donaghy had given him that big tv and he had... well, gotten cable. There was the one where his new roommate was Ross from Friends, and then that horrible one about Sponge Bob Squarepants chasing him through Central Park. But this had been especially strange, even stranger because Mr. Banks was in it.

Maybe what was strangest was that Devon had been on his mind quite a bit lately. When Reverend Gary had asked them to reflect on those who were less fortunate, Devon had popped into Kenneth's mind just after the one armed, one legged homeless fellow he sees on his way into work every morning. Devon's chances of getting the job he had gone as far as marrying Cathy Geiss to get had been destroyed and the last time Kenneth had seen him at work he had been so out of sorts he barely even managed to make any ambiguous remarks about Kenneth's uniform.

'Poor guy,' Kenneth thought as he tried to get back to sleep. 'It must be even harder on him with the holidays coming up. Maybe I should invite him to my Christmas party. Boy, I hope it doesn't get as out of control as it did last year.'

The next week Devon found a handmade invitation in his inbox. There was a lot of emphasis on how very small and quiet the party would be. He smirked and had his assistant RSVP immediately. That night he went out and bought a new red silk shirt, some lilac boxers and a bottle of fancy brandy.

Usual favortie holiday + fic written just for me = GLEE

2008-12-26T04:43:01Z

You know what makes Christmas even better than usual? Getting not one but TWO glorious yuletide stories. Both are Mean Girls and both make me giggle and squee and want to, I don't know, watch the movie while giggling some more?

From my Santa there was Well, that's new. To me, at least. In this fic you have Regina sneaking the gay up on Cady, Cady being confused about Regina and the gay and high school in general, Gretchen being jealous and Karen being spot on, perfectly in character clueless. The voices are excellent and my lovely Santa managed to get them to do gay in a way that worked perfectly with the tone of the movie. Also, the Christmas routine, and Regina teaching it to Cady, plays a major role. LOVE.

As a bonus treat I got Holiday Worship which is some ridiculously hot Regina/Cady sexin' backstage before the talent show. And part of the reason it's hot is the manipulative edge there is to it, which is superb. Again, LOVE.

Hope everyone had a great day, Christmas-y or otherwise!

What are their names? Alvin? Theodore?

2008-12-18T18:47:12Z

That would be Neil Patrick Harris re: the Jonas Brothers in The Cast of HIMYM Does the Best Moments of 2008. Loves it.

Fic: It's the Invisible Lines That Are Really Tricky

2008-12-18T11:32:07Z

Fandom: Stick It
Pairing: Haley/Joanne
Rating: PG-13
Wordcount: 445
Prompt: "Boundaries" at movie_100, but then I went over. Shorter version is there.

Boundaries. Haley really isn’t good at boundaries. Limits, rules, restrictions- she’s made it pretty clear that she isn’t a huge fan.

Joanne knows this. She’s seen Haley land four feet out of bounds on floor, skid a yard down the mat after over-rotating a double pike and fly completely past the bar on a Shaposhnikova.

She’s seen Haley give Vick more lip than everyone else in the gym combined and watched Haley sneak Poot and Frank into the dorm.

That’s all just fine, Joanne’s totally ok with Haley falling flat on her face or getting herself banned from competitions. What really gets to her is that Haley’s pretty good at getting other people to do things they shouldn’t. She got Vick back on that trampoline. She got the rest of the gym doing their hardest tricks in competition (Joanne was fine with that too until they started actually landing them and she wound up looking like a wimp and having to up her difficulty). She got Mena to start training in the old gym with her. And then she somehow got her to go from being a work out buddy to a make-out buddy and, like, Joanne knows there isn’t an actual rule against that, but that doesn’t mean there shouldn’t be.

See, Joanne likes rules, and even though she doesn’t really know the high school ones, she’s pretty sure this doesn’t fit them. Because this is prom and she’s here with Poot. Which means that Haley probably shouldn’t be standing this close to her, or whispering words into her ear that Joanne’s brain can’t quite process because the hot breathe moving across her neck is majorly distracting. And Haley’s hands definitely shouldn’t be drifting down toward the ‘bubble butt’ she always teases Joanne about.

And really, Joanne only asked Haley to come to the bathroom with her because she saw all the other girls heading there in pairs. And Haley’s only even here to kill the rumor that Frank is gay (Joanne still says it wasn’t her fault that that one got spread).

As Haley starts to pull her face away Joanne sees a look there that’s somewhere between smug and bored, and that just really pisses Joanne off. Before it occurs to her that flooring tricks here might be as messy as it is in the gym, she reaches forward to pull Haley back into a kiss. When Haley just laughs into it a bit and backs Joanne into one of the stalls, the only thing on Joanne’s mind is that this is even weirder than seeing Haley in a dress.

grabbyhands

2008-11-29T21:40:21Z

Does anyone have any Sigur Ros they'd be willing to upload? I can pay in uploads of other things and my unconditional love.

crackfic

2008-11-29T06:17:33Z

Title: I Kissed A Girl
Fandom: 30 Rock
Pairing: Liz/Jenna
Rating: PG-13?
Thanks to adventurepants's prompt from ages ago and all the crack my brain has been on for the last few weeks

Jenna didn't test so well with the lesbians but she's figured out a way to fix that...

Jack is right. His job is better than hers.

But then, if Jack was in her place right now, he’d probably be enjoying himself.

The thing is that two days ago they had gotten the numbers back a bunch of test groups they had shown The Girly Show. While gay men and straight women seemed to love Jenna (ok, it was more like the gay men loved her and the straight women thought she was ok, but Jenna just chocked that up to the second group being jealous) she hadn’t done too well with the lesbians. Actually, she had tanked with the lesbians. Jenna never took rejection well and this was no exception.

She had shut herself in her dressing room yesterday and when Liz sent Kenneth to get her, he came back saying that she refused to come out and he had heard ‘bed time noises’ coming from her room.

Jenna had burst into Liz’s office this morning, announced that she'd perfected the ‘lesbian technique’, straddled Liz in her chair and used Liz’s complete shock-induced paralysis to start what would have been the most awkward make-out session of any normal person’s life.

Now Jenna's sticking her tongue way too forcefully into Liz’s ear and reaching for her boob with such determination that Liz finally snaps back to reality with a loud, “Aaaaah-aaaah-ahhahh” and a quick shove that sends Jenna stumbling backwards.

“What WAS that?!” But Jenna checks her balance and takes a seat across the desk before answering.

“I told you, I perfected the lesbian technique.” She’s all pride and self-satisfaction and doesn’t seem at all aware that her lipstick is smudged from her forceful efforts of the last few moments… or that her shirt is still twisted from the minor acrobatics she had been attempting on Liz’s lap.

“Perfected the…” then comprehension begins to dawn, “Is that what you were doing all day yesterday? Watching all the girl on girl scenes in the pornos Tracy gave you as ‘background watching’ for the video game?!”

“See, and that’s why I came to you, Liz! I knew you’d recognize the style and appreciate it.” She’s beaming now.

“Wait, what?”

“You know, the shoes, that girl… Gertrude.”

“Gretchen. But that was,”

“Right, her.”

“And my shoes aren’t…”

Jenna stops her again, but this time it’s with a laugh, “Yes, they are.”

Liz tilts her head and stares at Jenna for a moment. “Sooo… you watched a lot of porn and kissed me,”

“A partial lesbian”

Liz gives her a look but decides she’s not going to win that one today and lets it go. She keeps going in that tone she only uses with Jenna, Tracy and children under the age of five, “Why, exactly, Jenna?”

“So now we can talk about giving me a lesbian kiss on the show,” she says like it’s obvious. “You know, so I can get your team on my team.”

Yup. Jack’s job is definitely better than hers.

We made this really big decision to have... 'dinner'

2008-11-12T22:04:03Z

SCHERBATSKY SPAM.

That is all.

iFail

2008-10-16T21:07:04Z

EDIT. Make that 48 hours for the kissy things. Apparently my proposal/application for supplemental thesis funding is due tomorrow? Bwah?

maddie508 @ 2008-10-15T13:34:00

2008-10-15T17:56:49Z

Also stolen from liquid_courage ...

Pick a pairing from my fandoms, and come up with a location and/or situation, and I will write you between 50 and 250 words about the kiss that happened in that context.

Fandoms are Grey's, Gossip Girl, Weeds, How I Met Your Mother, 30 Rock, Sopranos, Popular (still omg-ing over this one), The L Word, Big Love, Stick It, the Pirates movies, bascially any movie I've seen (try me, I've seen more than is healthy). And hell, let's throw Harry Potter in there too. Also- this is ANY pairing, doesn't have to be canon or a personal fave or even sane. Cross-overs are totally legit.

Lab got cancelled today so I will actually do this one in under 24 hours. Promise.