Fandom: 30 Rock
Challenge: yuletide 2008
"Yes, welcome everyone!"
Kenneth looked around. He was standing in slightly crowded room, surrounded by rather inappropriately clad young ladies who all looked just like Cerie. They were all smiling and giggling and trying to offer him drinks. He grinned nervously at them and craned his neck forward in an attempt to see the announcer... boy, did that voice sound familiar.
"This week we have a very special group of people with us. First, we have three members of cast of one of NBC's most beloved comedies from the 80s and early 90s- Night Court. Will everyone please welcome Harry Anderson, Markie Post and Charlie Robinson!"
Kenneth sprayed some of the drink one of the girls had just pressed into his hand, partly because he has been expected sparkly grape juice but mostly because he just couldn't believe his ears- the cast of Night Court! He had to find them and say hello, maybe they'd remember him!
He tried pressing through the gaggle of girls who were still smiling at him in a way that made him nervous and excited at the same time, but all he managed to see was a door snapping closed on the other side of the room. Maybe the announcer was in the other room?
"Now," the invisible announcer's voice was back "our next guest is the Vice President of West Coast News, Web Content, and Theme Park Talent Relations for NBC, as well as the producer of the ten-second web sitcom, "Makin' It Happen"... Devon Banks!"
Kenneth felt a hand move across his back and turned to see Mr. Banks wink at him before leaving through that one door on the other side of the room. Oh, this was getting stranger and stranger.
"And, last but not least... Kenneth Parcell, the NBC page. You may not have heard of him yet, but he's destined to be remembered along with other tv greats on our show this week- the pilot for his new show Ice Cream Cohen was just picked up and it is expected to be huge hit. Please welcome Kenneth Parcell!"
"Wh-what? But I..." Kenneth stammered as one of the girls brought him over to the door. He opened it, stepped through and was nearly blinded by the lights. He could hear loud applause and when his vision cleared he saw that he was standing by a poker table surrounded by a large audience.
Kenneth gawped for a moment before yet another scantily clad girl (they were everywhere) showed him to a seat between Markie Post and Harry Anderson. Robert Thompson then stepped up to the table and briefly explained the rules of Texas Hold 'Em.
'Of course,' Kenneth thought to himself, 'that announcer was Kevin Pollack... and this is Celebrity Poker Showdown.' Markie gave him the thumbs up as the game began and not even Devon wiggling his eyebrows from across the table could stop Kenneth from smiling.
A few minutes into the game Devon lost his first showdown to Kenneth. As the dealer was shuffling, Devon made a rather big deal of removing jacket, then twirled it around his head and tossed it in Kenneth's direction.
"Um, not to be rude, Mr. Banks, sir... but this show doesn't do strip poker."
"I know," Devon said, making his voice even deeper than usual, "I just wanted to make it more..." he raised an eyebrow and smirked, "interesting. Unless of course the official doesn't approve."
They both looked toward Mr. Thompson.
He shrugged his shoulders, "If Mr. Banks wants to do this, we aren't going to stop him."
"But you can't just have people stripping on television," cried Kenneth, indignant.
"Kenneth, may I remind you that you're on Bravo- this is cable, not network. We're a little... freer with our standards here."
Kenneth frowned as he turned back to the table. Devon was smiling more broadly than ever.
Two hands later, Charlie was out and Kenneth was watching with trepidation as Devon moved to sit on the table. He slowly undid his shirt one button at a time, dancing a bit to the theme music as he went. He bit his lip as he shrugged the shirt dramatically off. The whole time he kept his eyes locked on Kenneth.
An hour later the seats that had been filled by Harry and Markie were empty, and Devon was reclining in his chair with one leg angled up toward the ceiling as he slowly pulled off his remaining sock.
After the turn of the next hand Kenneth looked down at the cards in his hand. An ace and a king. And on the board- an eight of hearts, another ace, and a pair of twos. He had a decent shot of winning this showdown but he wasn't completely sure he wanted to because the only piece of clothing left on Mr. Banks was a pair of very short, silky lilac boxers
The river came and went and suddenly there were bits of confetti flying in the air and Kevin Pollack was by his side.
"Kenneth Parcell, NBC page, you've just won the tournament- you are our new Celebrity Poker champion! Is there anything you'd like to say to the people watching at home?"
Kenneth saw the camera pointed straight at him and quickly got over his shock. "Well, I want to say hi to my family, especially to my mom and my grandmother, and Bobby Jo, Otis, Clem, Jethro and Sally Mae, Abner and Cletus, Billy Jo, Billy Bob, Jed, Jeb..."
Kevin cut him off by putting an arm around his shoulder, "Let's just keep it to immediate family- ok, son?"
Kenneth smiled and shook his head, "But, sir, those were just some of my siblings, though none of them have cable so they'll probably never see this... Oh, I'd also like to say hi to everyone on the sixth floor, where I work, and to Liz Lemon and Jack Donaghy. And I'd like to publicly thank the cast of Night Court for making one of my dreams come true in return for a generous amount of money, and..."
"And would you like to tell everyone which charity will receive the twenty-five thousand dollars you just won?"
"That would be NBC, sir!"
"Now, that isn't exactly a charity, Kenneth. Why do you want us to give NBC the money?"
"Oh, well, sir... they just give so much to the people, and to me in particular, that I just want to give back."
"Alright then, excellent! The money will go to NBC. Now, it would appear that Devon has a special congratulatory gift to give you."
Kenneth turned around and saw Mr. Banks striding toward him, still wearing those lilac silk boxers, thank goodness. Before Kenneth knew what was going on, Devon had wrapped one arm tightly around his waist and pulled Kenneth into a firm, swift kiss. Kenneth was completely paralyzed by shock and couldn't do anything as Mr. Banks slipped his tongue between his lips and placed one hand on his knee before slowly sliding it up and much too far to the inside of his leg. It finally settled on his belt buckle, tugging and fiddling as the applause from the audience went on and on.
The mattress springs squeaked loudly as Kenneth sat up in bed with a gasp. He looked around quickly, caught sight of the colonel sleeping on the couch in the living room and was reassured that he was back to reality. He lay back on the bed and stared at the ceiling. 'What an strange dream', he thought to himself.
Kenneth had been having some pretty odd dreams ever since Mr. Donaghy had given him that big tv and he had... well, gotten cable. There was the one where his new roommate was Ross from Friends, and then that horrible one about Sponge Bob Squarepants chasing him through Central Park. But this had been especially strange, even stranger because Mr. Banks was in it.
Maybe what was strangest was that Devon had been on his mind quite a bit lately. When Reverend Gary had asked them to reflect on those who were less fortunate, Devon had popped into Kenneth's mind just after the one armed, one legged homeless fellow he sees on his way into work every morning. Devon's chances of getting the job he had gone as far as marrying Cathy Geiss to get had been destroyed and the last time Kenneth had seen him at work he had been so out of sorts he barely even managed to make any ambiguous remarks about Kenneth's uniform.
'Poor guy,' Kenneth thought as he tried to get back to sleep. 'It must be even harder on him with the holidays coming up. Maybe I should invite him to my Christmas party. Boy, I hope it doesn't get as out of control as it did last year.'
The next week Devon found a handmade invitation in his inbox. There was a lot of emphasis on how very small and quiet the party would be. He smirked and had his assistant RSVP immediately. That night he went out and bought a new red silk shirt, some lilac boxers and a bottle of fancy brandy.